Peer review questions

-The thesis is on the longer side, a thesis should be 1-2 sentences and state the title, author, message the author is trying to convey and a “so what”. The thesis here is more like a full intro and lacks a “so what”, something that makes the reader care about what is going to be written. 

-There are no citations within the draft.

-The essay as a whole lacks a “so what”, it feels like a lot of things are being stated, but none are being argued. Lack of quotes and analysis. 

-There isn’t a real topic sentence in the first body paragraph and the first body paragraph feels like a summary. It may be better if the first body paragraph was more concise and included in the intro. 

-Argument needs to be made.